God may help those who help themselves, but I only help those who help me first

That philosophy is probably one of many reasons why I never made a very good Christian.

Recently, I looked through my distribution lists, picked everyone who loves me, and sent them an email asking for proof.

“It’s that time again when Creative Loafing solicits the opinions of the good people of Tampa Bay and around the world. Last year I won Best Female Contributor and just a few short months later, I scored a bi-weekly column. If I win again this year, maybe they’ll invite me to a party.”

The response was delightful. Loved ones are voting Catherine Durkin Robinson for:

Best Contributor
Best Columnist
Best Blogger
Best Personality to Follow on Twitter

A few have suggested my house for “Best Pickup Place” and my bosom for “Best Sex Scandal.”

Several Facebook friends have circulated the ballot on their walls, while others, like Clark Brooks and Peter Schorsch, suggest we duke it out. (Gotta give it up to Schorsch for the line of the week: “Am I the Avatar to your Hurt Locker?”)

Since I’ve stopped writing about the dirty world of politics, Schorsch’s (try saying that while you’re drunk) Saint Petersblog and I are no longer in competition. Any old self-important blowhard can write about the current political climate and make you want to kill yourself, but who else in this area can make you laugh at a toothbrush in the toilet?

Only me, dolls. That special talent requires a certain kind of crazy.

And crazy needs your vote.

So hop on over to Creative Loafing’s Best of the Bay ballot and, for the second year in a row, put me on top. Let’s face it, on top is my very favorite position.

How else can you prove you care?

- Offer to babysit.

- Follow me (OILF) on Twitter.

- Read my bi-weekly offering (“View from the Hill”) in The Tampa Tribune’s 4You section every other Saturday. Some have written to my editors there in support of my snarky little column. This helps because if it were up to the Tea Baggers, I’d have been fired months ago. Don’t let the haters win! Read my nonsense and provide positive feedback.

- Buy a round.

- Friend me on Facebook.

- Read my column “Out in Left Field” in the print version of Creative Loafing. I’m allowed to curse there!

- Spread the word.

If you ever need some support, love, or assistance, it would be best to build up your account right now. In return, I might just let you live.

And that’s right. I said “bosom.”