Still sick of the so-called “Mommy Wars”

Too many women justify choices in child-rearing by dumping on society, moms who choose differently, or their own children. Shut up already.

At-Home Moms: Good for you. You’re dealing with less income, shitty diapers, and an aggressive steam cleaner that was supposed to make your life easier. Your kids will surely benefit from a full-time caregiver who, unlike Teenage Nanny, loves them more than the strangers online. I was a full-time mom for almost three years and don’t regret one moment I spent with my children. (Except “How to Poop in a Potty” class – two hours I’ll never get back.) However, here’s a newsflash – full-time parenting can be tedious. Negotiating a peace treaty with your three year-old where you promise, in writing, never to serve Lima beans again will make you feel ill-prepared for grown-up conversation. After a few hours of daytime television, you might harbor resentment toward women who decide, either by choice or necessity, to enter the working world after giving birth. You might even start to berate them. Don’t. Not everyone finds intellectual stimulation in cutting pictures and gluing them into a scrapbook. Get over yourself. If you’re so pleased with staying home and trying to one-up your Play and Pray Group mommies, then stick by your decision. Get out of the house more to alleviate monotony and hug your children. They’ll thank you for it someday.

Working Moms: Good for you. You’re teaching children to value hard work, self-sufficiency, and the ability to talk about something other than Elmo’s favorite crayons. You provide an excellent example of women who contribute outside the home and don’t have to ask Husband for a goddamn thing except maybe to climb on top every now and then. You skillfully juggle two or three demanding roles every day. You also sacrifice sleep, sex, and often put your own needs on the back burner. After entering the workforce, I too learned how to teach, write, sell, play mommy and attend to a husband without going insane. Most of the time. Guilt seeps in sometimes – deal with it. Give your kids and partner your undivided attention when you get home and leave the goddamn Blackberry in your purse. Don’t look down your Gucci sunglasses at a spit-up stained mommy and “tsk tsk” the poor bitch. She’s not doing anything wrong and neither are you. By the way, make a home-cooked meal every now and then. It won’t kill you.

When we feel good about our decisions, we feel good about ourselves. The women who complain about at-home moms “wasting themselves” and hurting feminism are really just ashamed they don’t know their kids’ favorite colors. Handle it. Mommies, who feel superior because they stay home baking cookies, hope no one finds out they have to drink to get through the day.

I’ve even heard some women say they are miserable at home because their kids are boring. Why can’t they own it and say loud and proud: I’m bored! This is not their kids’ fault. Kids are just being children. No one is fascinating at the age of nine.

Put scorn where it belongs – with men. After all, they get to work all day, hit happy hour or racquetball at night and never suffer guilt because of it. At-home daddies don’t attack fathers who play poker two nights a week. They’re too busy laughing at us while we duke it out.

Pick on them awhile and leave each other alone.