How can you tell teachers are ready for summer break?

In about a month, school will be over. My children cannot wait. Me? I’d consider voting for a gun-toting, pro-life Republican (is there any other kind?) if he promised to make year-round schooling a reality.

When I taught high school, I felt quite differently about summer vacation. And as much as I loved my students, I couldn’t wait to get rid of them for a few months.

Most teachers deserve the break and are ready for it now. How can you tell? They:

- start talking like their students, refer to adults as dawgs, text message “Sup?” and profess a profound desire to tap that ass.

- come dangerously close to saying, “Only an idiot would ask that question.”

- look forward to staying home for two months with their own children.

- come to believe Jay-Z is as important as Mozart.

- answer requests from adults with, “I don’t know. Can you?”

- ran out of sick days three months ago.

- believe field trips to Disney World comply with Sunshine State Standards.

- giggle inappropriately at faculty meetings when the principal says “duty.”

- rummage through overflowing garbage cans, looking for next year’s classroom supplies.

- enter the Teacher’s Lounge in need of grown-up conversation.

- pick a fight with the AP hoping to get suspended.

- take a chance on cafeteria food because “what the hell?”

- packed up their rooms before Spring Break started.

- refuse T-Payroll due to emotional issues.

- convince their department head that Monty Python movies really do fit the curriculum.

- start asking students for financial advice.

- create Facebook account for summer, under pseudonym “Party Whore”.

Feel free to add your own.