Amnesia victims might be runaway moms – and who could blame them?

“I’ve been looking for some shred of evidence of our life together, and now it’s become entirely clear why I’ve chosen to block it out!”

Every once in a while, you hear news of this sort – A woman was struck by a car and arrived at the hospital with amnesia.

Thankfully, these women are usually in good condition as authorities reach out to the community for possible friends or family. Authorities always hope someone comes forward to shed a light on the woman’s identity.

When reading these stories, a part of me is jealous beyond belief.

After mediating arguments between children over Horton the Elephant’s moral obligations, nutritional benefits of cotton candy, and whether or not “I’m with Stupid” t-shirts are appropriate attire, nothing sounds better than to wander into a random town, act confused, and hang out ’til winter.

(Obviously while avoiding automobiles.)

Here’s a tip for authorities – check out neighboring towns. If you find kids in mismatched socks, eating ice cream for dinner while Dad enjoys poker and porn every night – mystery solved.

Then bring the patient a Stoli and let her rest. She probably deserves it.