If going away is this much work, maybe I should stay home

Have you ever put aside your wifely and motherly duties for a getaway with the girls?

If not, I highly recommend it. Spending time with cherished girlfriends is life-affirming. Not only will you come back refreshed and at peace with the world, despite a slight hangover and post-traumatic-stress disorder, your husband and children will also enjoy some precious freedom without anyone telling them to use the last of the ketchup before opening a new bottle.

A girls’ weekend away is one of those rare moments when everyone wins.

Except you.

There is a reason why married women don’t live as long as single women, why we weigh more, suffer more illnesses, and are more likely to die a violent death. It mostly has to do with how married women behave before they go away. We are killing ourselves in order to have some fun.

But what’s the choice really?

We can work our asses off prior to the mini-vacation or we can clean upon our return. With that hangover? No thanks.

We can make and freeze at least ten meals before we leave or spend two hours lecturing about responsible spending and the evils of fast food when we get back.

We can do in five hours the amount of laundry that usually takes two days or we can grin and bear it when our favorite white blouse is pink because it got washed with red sweaters.

Like I said, not much of a choice.

It’s important to remember, while scrubbing floors and freezing lasagna and pre-staining jerseys your sons will wear for the next three days – even to bed – that we are doing this to ourselves. My beloved husband and adorable children would never think of asking me to take all this upon myself.

“Why are you working so hard?” they ask.

They don’t fool me. I know they’re counting down the minutes until they can call Pizza Hut and put their feet on the coffee table.

And my boys would definitely make an attempt to clean before I come home. They really would. But between me and you, running a dish towel under the faucet and then over every counter and toilet in the house doesn’t clean shit.

At the very least, if the house is already clean, all I have to do is straighten up and replace a few toilet paper rolls. It eases me back into the swing of things. Allows me to appreciate the break and the return all at the same time.

So as I prepare for an upcoming women-only gathering, along with preparations for myself, like packing the requisite wine bottles and chocolate, I will make sure the groceries are put away at home and floors are mopped.

‘Cause hangovers are tough enough.