New Year’s Resolutions are for quitters

According to the Wall Street Journal, most people promise to quit something in the New Year. Smoking, drinking, and overeating are the biggies. Over 80% of the population vows to quit one of these evils, yet only 1 out of 5 will actually keep the resolution past a few weeks.

When you quit on quitting doesn’t it work like a double negative? A quitting quitter is really a winner. Like Brett Favre.

Unfortunately, for as long as I can remember, I’ve never vowed to quit anything. Oh wait. That’s not true. Years ago, I made a resolution to stop quoting the Wall Street Journal and quit making inane sports references.

Great…

Maybe I should join in with the quitting theme for my 2010 New Year’s Resolution. I just need to come up with the right activity to quit.

I’m not going to quit drinking. To avoid alcohol with two children under the age of eighteen still living at home is crazy talk. Besides, I don’t drink all the time. Just the other day, my kids were sleeping over at their grandparents. They called to check in.

“Mommy, have you had any cocktails?” Youngest asked.

“Honey,” I said, “you guys aren’t here. There’s no reason to drink.”

I don’t smoke or overeat. I could still list quitting cigarettes or brownies as my New Year’s Resolution, but that would be cheating.

I seriously considered “Quit Judging” for about five minutes. Then one of my friends invited me to Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus next week. Before I knew it, I was telling her about the evils of capturing animals, taking them out of their natural habitat, and making them perform for spoiled brats whose parents actually believe cotton candy is one of the four major food groups.

Right away, I realized I’d be that 1 out of 5 – wouldn’t make it past the first week actually – and decided to aim lower.

Then it hit me.

I’m all about reciprocation, right? Someone doesn’t love me – I don’t love them back. Someone doesn’t invite me to their house – they don’t get to visit mine. As a result, I’ve been getting rid of a lot of negative energy and stocking up on love.

Looking in other areas of my life, for other dead-end attractions to purge, I recognized one area that’s been grossly ignored. One area where I’ve put myself out there time and again to no avail. One love in particular that takes, takes, takes. A love that hasn’t loved me back for years.

Politics.

Let’s face it. Politics is as dirty and ugly and nasty as Glenn Beck’s soul. Politics leaves behind a ruined, wrinkled mess, like Rush Limbaugh’s heart. Politics is not hot. When I write about my wacky life and even wackier kids, I get more writing gigs and increased visibility. When I write about politicians or a recycling campaign, I get fewer writing gigs and increased assaches.

Do I need to be hit over the head?

Sorry, wingnuts, but this relationship is over. Your circular reasoning and spin cycles are now dead to me. I won’t ever stop being an activist and advocate for progressive causes. And if an issue presents itself, I can always show up at Creative Loafing for a 3am booty call. But here, at my site, in my home, I will focus on that which loves me back.

We’ll see how it goes. If something crazy starts happening, if liberals get their act together or if Republicans start making sense, I can always go back to see if politics still gets me hot. After all, Brett Favre has been one of the most impressive football players in the NFL this year. According to the Wall Street Journal.

Tags: creative loafing, New Year's Resolutions, Political Whore, Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus