Later Hater

When people get sick, they often experience an epiphany of one kind or another. A few might rediscover love, others commit to a healthier lifestyle while some suddenly choose Jesus as their personal savior. They decide that life is too short to pretend these truths don’t exist for them and make commitments in their lives to act according to newfound beliefs.

I’m no different.

While I still don’t think believing a man was crucified in early CE Jerusalem means I’m off the hook for stealing that lipstick back in ‘81, I did come to a certain realization a few years ago when I caught C-Diff and almost shit myself to death.

I realized life is too short to spend it with people who don’t love me.

Pretty simple right? For the next few years, I took a good long look at my life and those in it and discovered five people who really didn’t care too much for me.

Four in-laws and one lifelong best friend.

So far, that’s it.

Not bad, right? Oh sure, it hurt to realize these people could love high-calorie deserts and cable television but not me. After years of trying to convince them that my personality had its good points, it hurt to finally let go.

But I did.

And it could have been worse.

A large and loving family, supportive husband and kids, dear and precious friends have picked up the slack. I am luckier than most. I’ve moved on and am happy to be surrounded by only positive energy and a loving support system.

In between death threats.

Why bring this up now?

Because those in-laws are inviting us to a bat mitzvah.

This stirs up emotions and gets me thinking about choices. I can’t help but re-evaluate decisions and make sure I’m handling things properly for me and my family.

After careful thought and deliberation, I’ve decided I’m not going.

A few weeks ago, unrelated to this invitation, I talked with my mother-in-law about our estranged relationship. I explained, in respectful and mature tones, that I am no longer angry about the years spent trying to establish a healthy relationship with them. Getting angry at someone for not liking me is as pointless as trying to learn all the words to a Skinny Puppy song.

“I don’t blame you all anymore,” I said. “It’s not your fault you don’t care for me.”

At first, she didn’t understand and tried to justify the lack of love.

“You’ve been difficult throughout the years.”

Absolutely. I agreed with her. I was a pain in the ass for a while. Granted, I was eighteen when we met. In addition to being a lovely person now, I no longer watch MTV all day, throw tennis balls at the White House, wear ripped pantyhose or interrupt people during polite conversation. I’ve grown.

But, for the most part, my family and friends still found a lot to love – even during those years when I wore Patchouli oil and Birkenstocks to formal family gatherings. I’ve maintained a ton of long-term relationships that are healthy and positive, despite all my shortcomings.

So I must not be all bad.

My in-laws were not on board with the “Let’s Love Her Through This” train and that’s fine. Like I said. You go your way and I’ll go mine. Wish you the best.

My mother-in-law pointed out that not everyone on the planet is going to like me.

Has she been reading my hate mail?

Look, I work in the real world and attend little league practice with my children. I’m aware not everyone is a fan.

As a result, I insist my inner circle stays positive. Home and personal life – that’s my haven. Only good energy and loving people allowed.

And if you can make a mean margarita, you get to come over all the time.

My mother-in-law then said something very interesting: “Well, if you only want to be around people who agree with you, that’s your choice I suppose.”

(Hear that? My siblings are laughing with their tongues out.)

The idea that my friends and family agree with everything (or anything) I say and do – well, have you met my mother? She’s practically a nun with kids. Pro-life, Eucharistic minister, devout Catholic, always wears panties in public and has never uttered “fuck you” in all her life.

And yet, you’d be hard-pressed to find another mother/daughter team who are as different and yet as close.

The rest of my peeps disagree with me almost every day and yet, we still love each other. They are my rock and my strength.

Relationships are work. They are also a joy and delight. Why work through the tough times without love as the foundation?

I still have nothing but good vibes in my heart for five people in my personal life that either never had or at some point lost that lovin’ feeling. I wish them nothing but the best.

But those wishes are coming from a distance.

‘Cause life is too short.

Tags: c diff