If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Bleed ‘Em

Once, when I was in Colorado Springs, a coworker invited me into his classroom to watch a video.

“Porn?” I asked.

So hopeful.

“No,” he said. “It’s about End Times.”

Sure enough, the video, about five minutes long, showed how true believers will disappear during the Rapture, leaving nonbelievers behind to fight an epic battle. Those who resist conversion will ultimately be doomed to spend eternity in a lake of fire.

After the video was done, my coworker looked at me with sadness in his eyes.

“What do you think about that?” he asked. “All of us gone and enjoying eternity?”

I winked at him.

“I think it’s great. I’ll finally be able to get a parking spot at the mall.”

But like my friend Julie says, we should stop making fun of these wingnuts and instead learn how to get rich off them.

That’s why Joshua Witter, avowed atheist, is my hero. He started this website as a joke, but soon found that people would pay money for his merchandise.

My favorite is the “Told You So” cards – purchase them and you can even pay Witter to mail them to non-Christian friends and relatives after the Rapture.

Dude is makin’ money off the nonsense of others.

Why didn’t I think of that?

Tags: End Times, Joshua Witter, Rapture