Canoeing Down the Hillsborough River

I’m about to endorse something I’ve previously spoken against – outdoor activity.

Take a deep breath, collect yourself…and we’re back.

Dig if you will the picture of me in a canoe with my three boys, paddling down the Hillsborough River, and *not* bitching about the sun, bugs, or humidity.

I know. Mindblowing.

Whether I’m attending little league baseball games, getting near-naked to swim in the ocean, or knowing all the words to a ridiculous Carrie Underwood song…I’m either an ever-evolving, ever-growing open-minded hottie who embraces life *OR* an embarrassment to free-thinking urbanites everywhere.

Maybe both.

But nevertheless, Saturday morning, deep in the heart of Thonotosassa, my family and I had a blast.

The canopy of trees overhead keep out the harshest rays of sunlight and provide a home to hundreds of birds that delight paddlers with their pretty songs. Amidst all the green leaves and moss, you can spot dozens of winged creatures close by that sport bright blue, haunting yellow, or glowing red feathers. We spotted five or six medium-sized and peaceful gators sunning themselves on logs along with turtles and otters. My kids got quiet every once and a while, listening to nature all around them, and appreciated what they saw and heard.

“I feel like Lewis and Clark, Mama,” Oldest said several times.

“Yeah,” I replied, “except they never had to pass by a fisherman who spits tobacco and scratches at his unmentionables.”

Despite the Confederate Flag buckles and Deliverance overtones every time a local appeared to throw in a line (“Mornin’ y’all!), my city boys and I spent two and a half hours in the wilderness and hardly complained.

Sure, we tipped the canoe. That’s what happens when two little boys are leaning over the side to see a “big ass fish.”

There were also more than a few shallow areas in the river, evidence enough that we are still in a major drought.

TIP: If you are over 120 lbs. (read: any grown man) and pulling up the rear then you will definitely drag some ass through certain sections. Apparently escaping such “dragging ass” moments requires skill and a few curse words. Not to mention an ounce of coordination.

But the upside is a hell of an upperbody workout. And that’s gotta count for something.

All in all, the boys at Canoe Escape rocked our world, taught us well, and allowed us to make some magical memories. Next time we go canoeing down the Hillsborough River, I will definitely listen to them and rent a nice little cushion for the bottom of the canoe because my bony ass got bruised butt-quick.

I also recommend plenty of sunscreen, water, and a sense of humor. Pick some people who appreciate nature’s quieter moments – as well as big ass fish and even a tipped canoe – because trippin’ down the river beats just about anything you can watch on television. Even if you do wind up with sand in the strangest of places.

Tags: canoe escape, canoeing down the hillsborough river