I Get the Best Phone Calls – Ongoing

While helping out with a Chamberlain High School reunion/fundraiser and watching an old friend post even older pictures of me on Facebook last night, I dealt with phone calls like this…it’s too bad I don’t do drugs.

Me: Hello?

Her: Back in college, didn’t you and Chris Ryals have a thing?

Me: (long pause) I’m fine. How are you?

Her: Seriously. You and Chris. A thing, right?

Me: (gulp) That’s one way of putting it.

Her: Go to this website: www-

Me: Idon’twantto.

Her: Come on. It’s www-

Me: Idon’twantto.

Her: Why not?

Me: The last time I went somewhere online to see about an ex-boyfriend, it was the guy’s mugshot and he’d been arrested on murder charges.

Her: That’s true. (long pause) But he was found not guilty.

Me: Still.

Her: Come on. Don’t be a pussy. Go to www-

Me: Pleasedon’tmakeme.

Her: If you don’t look at this website with me, I will come over there and pound it into the keyboard myself.

Me: Hmmm. That *would* frighten the children.

Her: Exactly. Go to this website and take a look around. Enjoy. Watch the video and remember The Toads back when they still had hair.

Me: Oh my.

(double gulp)

Me: Are they wearing makeup?

I know some of you will poke fun, but I’m looking with better eyes than that. I see a group of guys who are having fun and spreading some love. Though, hopefully, not the way they used to…

Come on now.

They get people to shake their groove thing. I couldn’t get anyone to shake anything except maybe a fist in righteous anger over some shit I write in Creative Loafing that elevates sarcasm to an art form.

Do *you* get applause and adoration at your job? Then give these boys some credit. And maybe book ‘em the next time you need a band.

That bass player might even tell you some funny stories about your favorite blogger.

Tags: Chamberlain High, The Toads