25 Random Bits of Nonsense About Me

Jeff tagged me on Facebook.

That sounds hotter than it is.

I had to come up with a list of 25 things about me and this was the best I could do…in my defense – I was tired.

1. I grin when I see a Confederate flag for the same reason I giggle in the presence of a miserable person – I am happy to be their direct opposite.

2. I read Newsweek on the toilet.

3. I refused to have my picture taken with Bob Dole because I was afraid it would come back to haunt me. I did not have similar reservations about pictures that eventually did come back to haunt me. This leads me to believe my sense of appropriateness is way off.

4. I married the best guy in the world.

5. Every so often, in my car when no one is watching, I sing along to Oasis songs.

6. I am happier being my kids’ mommy than I ever thought possible. This has little to do with me and everything to do with them.

7. I don’t hate anyone.

8. I once left a bathroom in the mall and walked for several minutes before someone told me my skirt was tucked into my pantyhose. I haven’t worn pantyhose since.

9. I changed my last name to “Durkin” when I was twenty-two years old.

10. I only went to one football game during high school – to watch Becky and my sister do their dance routines on the field. I even stood up and clapped. Then Cathy and I took off to smoke a bowl. (Read: Make prank phone calls.)

11. Cathy gave me tampons every birthday and Christmas for five years in a row. At first, she did this because I was the last person to “become a woman” and then she kept on because I wouldn’t use them.

12. I get hate mail that would disturb you.

13. I used to have tattoos and DDs. They went away after the tummy tuck and breast reduction.

14. I once poured syrup and flour all over a guy’s car because he broke up with one of my best friends.

15. My eyes aren’t the same size.

16. I always wanted to be beautiful, but cultivated a personality instead. It sucked during high school, but ain’t so bad now.

17. I can’t dislike someone who likes me. It’s impossible.

18. I cry almost every day.

19. My friends and I used to visit nudist colonies to laugh at all the funny looking naked people. We were naked, too. But we weren’t funny looking.

20. Julie held my hand while I lost my virginity.

21. My feelings are easily hurt. But all it takes is a sincere and heartfelt apology and I’m yours all over again.

22. In my early twenties, my favorite meal included a pint of Guinness, liver with bacon and onions, and red velvet cake for dessert.

23. One of my best friends is a Republican who voted for Charlie Crist and John McCain. And yet he’s still a better person than most Democrats I know.

24. I can control what happens in my dreams.

25. I don’t ever mean to be mean.