I'll Use Any Excuse To Bare My Ass on the Internet

It's my party and I'll repeat a post if I want to.

November 10, 1969--9:31am--Dunmore, Pennsylvania

My mother passed out within seconds because pain medication makes her "feel funny". Doctors used forceps to yank me out of there. Mom blames my stubborn streak and big head. I just wanted to avoid the Nixon administration.



Everyone “ooh'd” and “ahh'd” even though, let's face it, I was a funny lookin' kid. Nana and Aunt Mimi, both nurses, were available to beam. Bio Dad was off in Germany getting drunk.

Within hours, hospital administration carried me back into my mom's room with all the necessary equipment a newborn needed back in the Dark Ages. They must have looked ridiculous.

“Noreen, we have a problem,” they said. “Catherine is disturbing other infants in the nursery. While I realize you need peace and quiet, so does everyone else and frankly, we’re sick of the complaints. Catherine is going to sleep in here from now on and we use that term loosely. Good luck - she's all yours."



Don't let that cherubic face fool you.

Although once in my mother's arms, I stopped fussing immediately - content with constant attention. This theme would repeat itself in various ways for the rest of my life.

Here's to thirty-eight years of keeping it real.