Seeing How the Gentiles Live

I went out last night and was not struck down. Well. Not by God I mean. I arrived at Skipper’s Smokehouse armed with only my wits and a working cell phone connectable to the outside world and capable reinforcements. Immediately tense, I watched the bar fill with deadheads while I looked like Erin Brockovich. Then I realized my mother was right - “whorish attire” is better suited for a strip club. However, the bouncer smiled and I felt more at ease. See? Boobs are a wonderful thing.

I’ve said it before – meeting people who read my sh*t is sometimes scary. Between hate mail and surprise phone calls, someone might throw a copy of Ann Coulter’s latest book at me. Meeting writers whom I read and admire is unnerving as well. That’s why I’m happy to report that the people with whom I hung last night are delightful. Wendy is normal and down-to-earth; you’d never know she was a Cornell graduate and published novelist. Joel made me smile, his wife laughed at my jokes, and Brett lavished me with attention I don’t deserve. As always, Tommy is a doll you want to take home and cuddle. And I don’t think he let me pay for a single drink all night. Best friends for life!

The musicians rocked even though they were only twelve years old. Okay, they were more like sixteen. When they played an excellent Doors’ cover, I almost spit beer in Brett’s open mouth. The drummer of Roppongi’s Ace looked just like a student from my third period class last year who slept through second semester. ‘Having a gig the night before’ turned out to be true. Who knew? These kids commanded an impressive following, dozens of teenage girls stood transfixed by their every move. Either the music was great or the drugs weren’t. When I was their age, I followed around a local band - Saber. However, Saber only played fields in Plant City or backyards in Lutz. These guys were at a real venue playing instruments not held together with masking tape. Good for them! I was struck by how life has changed since last I swayed at Skipper’s. Ten years ago, I’d flirt with the band. Now I’m wondering if they’re getting enough vitamins and sleep at night. Rubber City Rebels, the grown-ups in the group, came on and blew us all away. Terrific show, Tommy.

Hell. You know I’m having fun when someone puts a Budweiser in front of me and I actually drink it. If I didn’t embarrass myself or say anything rude (what’re the odds?) perhaps we can do this again before I leave at the end of the month. Porneoke on Wednesday nights? I mean, I have plenty of whorish attire...