Quotes that Kill Me

Too bad not all of life’s bizarre moments are quote-worthy. For example, when Sloan calls in the middle of the night because he’s at an Oasis concert and wants to share the love. REM sleep involving John Corbett and I in compromising positions got interrupted by Liam Gallagher warbling on stage while Sloan yelled inaudibly in the background. He’s lucky I only hung up on him.

Or my husband attending a family breakfast with the boys and our oldest ruining our good family name by showing everyone the boo-boo on his middle finger (translation: flipping the bird to every mortified adult in the room).

However, the following speak to me on so many different levels; I just had to share –

"What I'm hearing which is sort of scary is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this--this is working very well for them."
Barbara Bush putting the “ass” in compassionate conservatism

“Do you have anything you’d like to sing that fits this moment?”
Larry King after Celine Dion has a meltdown on his show

"Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott's house ... there's going to be a fantastic house. And I'm looking forward to sitting on the porch."
George Bush moved to tears at the thought of a rich, white man starting over

“First Responders Urged Not to Respond”
FEMA website during Hurricane Katrina

“Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.”
Bush to Brown (former director of FEMA – since forced to resign)

“Kill All Peelers (Police)”
Unionists/Terrorists in the North of Ireland (only place I’m proud to be called a Republican)

“I’m allergic to bad people and soap, so I’m going to have to leave this family.”
my youngest son

“I read your article. It’s the same old regurgitated bullshit. Funny though.”
Michele

“I decided to retire today.”
Dad

“Don’t feel sad about no one at your new school knowing you. No one knew you when you worked here either.”
Jim

"The rules in New Orleans are as good as the last person who made them."
Brian Williams on The Daily Show

“George Bush doesn’t care about black people.”
Kanye West (Reminds me of another quote from years ago: “Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” )

“Chief Justice William Rehnquist set back liberty, equality, and human rights perhaps more than any American judge of this generation.”
Alan Dershowitz

“Makin’ a killin’ off the price of gas. He would have been up in Connecticut twice as fast.”
K-Otix

“The Koran says mischievous men are tricking the world into thinking they’re for peace when they’re not. Tell me that ain’t about Bush.”
-anonymous student I almost hugged

“I had to fast all day so a horny technician could take an hour pretending to ultrasound my spleen. I’ve repented enough and maybe shouldn’t have to fast again for Yom Kippur next month. What do you think? Rabbi?”
Katie “I Feel Violated” Robinson

That about covers it.